Archive for January, 2010

SO, I had someone ask me if I was able to pull guys and girls and what the difference was.

Yes, I can pick up guys and girls. The differences are few but they make a large impact. For example, if you’re a girl, it’s easy to build a rapport and trust with another girl. It’s incredibly easy to get her number because society has programmed women into thinking that they are safe with each other and that it is natural for them to be friends. It’s a safety in numbers mentality (no pun intended). But it’s hard to take it past that. Some of it is in my head (damn that Christian upbringing) but some of it is also that women normally don’t get hit on by other women. I know that the first time I was hit on by a girl, I was totally shocked, had no idea what she was thinking, and didn’t really want anything to do with her (this was obviously before I became bi).

As a girl trying to pick up guys, it’s a totally different calibration. Society has told us that guys like girls and there aren’t other variables (for the most part). This programming has made it easy to reel guys in, and take it as far as I want (most of the time it’s practice since I have a boyfriend already). For girls, you need to be a little more careful. Most women harbor the fantasy of being with another woman so you just have to very gently bring that fantasy out. But you need to do it without pressure, without expectations or you could trigger a flight/negative response.

Now can you see how picking up woman when you’re one yourself can be difficult?

So to summarize – Picking up woman is different but similar to picking up men. It’s all about calibrating for who your “target” is. For woman, you need to be careful to let her explore her own ideas and fantasies while placing yourself as the safe person she can act them out with. For men (as a woman), it’s a lot easier if you’re just looking for something temporal. With the right amount of coaxing, guys (no offense!) are going go give you what you’re looking for. If you’re a bi woman looking to pick up women, you have to expect to put a little more work into it but the work will be worth it in the end.


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It was pointed out to me that the concept of “Going Cave Man” isn’t a complete bucket of crap. Yes, in theory it works. In practice it doesn’t. HOWEVER, there is a theory that is similar to “Going Cave Man” that is infinitely more successful and applicable to modern times. I like to call this theory “Going 50’s Man”

If we think back to the stereotypical 50’s male, we find ourselves thinking of the tall, dark, handsome type (luckily in pick up, appearance doesn’t mean a lot). The husbands that came home and the wife had their slippers waiting for their feet and a drink ready for their hands. They weren’t cave man aggressive, but they weren’t submissive either. These men knew what they wanted, when they wanted it, and how they wanted it.

These men were also just coming back from World War II, you had to be rough to survive that one. This translated into life at home too. Keep in mind, it’s a more civilized and controlled aggression than cave men. This theory holds up in practice because it’s not as primal, you can add some modern flair to it. If you think about it, “Going Cave Man” is really the 50’s male on steroids. Tone the aggression down and the concepts of primal overdrive will actually work. Instead of throwing a girl into a wall, try pulling her to you gently and with authority. It’s really a Renaissance man theory (multi-facted, not one dimensional).

“Going Cave Man” fails because it is overly aggressive, completely primal, and lacks finesse. “Going 50’s Man” on the other hand, is phenomenally successful because it is aggression combined with gentility, the primal with a modern flair, and is subliminally accessing secret desires instead of breaking into them. I would have no problem putting a personal warranty on this method. If done correctly, it never fails.

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