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Archive for the ‘Dating Advice’ Category

It was pointed out to me that the concept of “Going Cave Man” isn’t a complete bucket of crap. Yes, in theory it works. In practice it doesn’t. HOWEVER, there is a theory that is similar to “Going Cave Man” that is infinitely more successful and applicable to modern times. I like to call this theory “Going 50’s Man”

If we think back to the stereotypical 50’s male, we find ourselves thinking of the tall, dark, handsome type (luckily in pick up, appearance doesn’t mean a lot). The husbands that came home and the wife had their slippers waiting for their feet and a drink ready for their hands. They weren’t cave man aggressive, but they weren’t submissive either. These men knew what they wanted, when they wanted it, and how they wanted it.

These men were also just coming back from World War II, you had to be rough to survive that one. This translated into life at home too. Keep in mind, it’s a more civilized and controlled aggression than cave men. This theory holds up in practice because it’s not as primal, you can add some modern flair to it. If you think about it, “Going Cave Man” is really the 50’s male on steroids. Tone the aggression down and the concepts of primal overdrive will actually work. Instead of throwing a girl into a wall, try pulling her to you gently and with authority. It’s really a Renaissance man theory (multi-facted, not one dimensional).

“Going Cave Man” fails because it is overly aggressive, completely primal, and lacks finesse. “Going 50’s Man” on the other hand, is phenomenally successful because it is aggression combined with gentility, the primal with a modern flair, and is subliminally accessing secret desires instead of breaking into them. I would have no problem putting a personal warranty on this method. If done correctly, it never fails.

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Ah, the age old question. What makes people attractive? You can go into the very shallow aspects of attraction or you can look into the deeper mental triggers that everyone has. Not just some people, but every single person will respond to certain “triggers” that you can endow yourself with and use to great success.

As I sit here with my White Russian, I think about some of the shallow aspects of attraction. Everyone has their preconceived notions of what they find attractive or “hot”. For me, it’s long thick hair, deep eyes (regardless of color), a generally good body etc. In the end, I’m willing to throw all of those “requirements” out of the window if confronted with the things that will trigger a deeper attraction. Unless you’re neurologically challenged, confidence and a stellar personality are going to be more attractive than blue eyes and blond hair any day.

Let’s go into some detail about the deeper triggers of attraction. Ask yourself this question (if you don’t understand the reference, just bear with me): Who to you is more attractive, Robert Pattinson or Edward Cullen? For me, it’s Edward Cullen hands down. Want to know why? Okay, well even though they are the exact same physical person, Robert Pattinson refuses (for some odd reason) to be hygienically presentable. He doesn’t wash his hair or dress in a tidy and put together way. His character in the Twilight series, Edward Cullen washes his hair, has clothes that fit well and look good. Here is how this relates to deep triggers of attraction. It doesn’t matter if you’re a supermodel or not, the way you present and carry yourself is what will make the biggest impression. Wear clothes that you feel good in, and you will look good in them. I’m not talking sweatpants and a tshirt, but if you aren’t comfortable with low cut shirts (ladies), then wear something a little less revealing. Just because you are showing less skin doesn’t make it automatically less appealing. Guys, you don’t have to wear tight jeans to make that punk-rock girl find you attractive. If you’re feeling awkward in those skin tight jeans, you’re going to look awkward and interact with her in an awkward way. If you feel confident in what you are wearing, that confidence will shine through you and you know what, confidence IS appealing.

But keep in mind that it isn’t just confidence that makes you attractive. People that are worth having relationships or interactions with aren’t looking for the cookie-cutter, same old same old, mediocre person. Don’t dumb yourself down for the sake of hooking that frat guy or sorority girl. If you think that you have to be stupid to be good enough for them, they aren’t worth it. The people worth spending time with, want someone who is unique and special. Voice your ideas, they ARE worth something even if you think they’re silly. In the end, they make you unique and special. Being the same as everyone else doesn’t make you special, it makes you ordinary and therefore, unattractive. Another “trigger” is your idiosyncratic and distinctive personality. Some people won’t like it but who cares? Those people aren’t good for you in the long run. The people worth your time and love are the people who will love you unconditionally. Take me for example, I was the subject of an FBI investigation into underage pornography. It really messed me up for a long time and I’m still not over it. But it gave me a lot of different qualities that many people don’t have. It made me unique. And even though sometimes I’ll cry myself to sleep over it, my boyfriend still loves me to pieces. Not many people would want to love someone with issues and baggage from their past. But those people who DO LOVE YOU are worth their weight in gold.

Okay, here is the summary: 1. Feeling comfortable and confident will make you comfortable and confident when interacting with someone you are interested in 2. You’re interesting quirks ARE attractive, don’t dumb yourself down to grab that one person. It’s NOT worth it, trust me.

So, go out and explore your new found understanding of attraction. Feel free to message me if you have any questions or specific things/incidents/case studies that you want to talk about. I’m generally pretty open to batting some ideas back and forth with you. Please keep in mind that this isn’t a comprehensive list of deeper attraction triggers, and it will be different for everyone. This is just a general idea.  And remember, it’s all about being yourself. If someone doesn’t like it, screw it, they aren’t good for you anyways.

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