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Archive for the ‘The Game’ Category

SO, I had someone ask me if I was able to pull guys and girls and what the difference was.

Yes, I can pick up guys and girls. The differences are few but they make a large impact. For example, if you’re a girl, it’s easy to build a rapport and trust with another girl. It’s incredibly easy to get her number because society has programmed women into thinking that they are safe with each other and that it is natural for them to be friends. It’s a safety in numbers mentality (no pun intended). But it’s hard to take it past that. Some of it is in my head (damn that Christian upbringing) but some of it is also that women normally don’t get hit on by other women. I know that the first time I was hit on by a girl, I was totally shocked, had no idea what she was thinking, and didn’t really want anything to do with her (this was obviously before I became bi).

As a girl trying to pick up guys, it’s a totally different calibration. Society has told us that guys like girls and there aren’t other variables (for the most part). This programming has made it easy to reel guys in, and take it as far as I want (most of the time it’s practice since I have a boyfriend already). For girls, you need to be a little more careful. Most women harbor the fantasy of being with another woman so you just have to very gently bring that fantasy out. But you need to do it without pressure, without expectations or you could trigger a flight/negative response.

Now can you see how picking up woman when you’re one yourself can be difficult?

So to summarize – Picking up woman is different but similar to picking up men. It’s all about calibrating for who your “target” is. For woman, you need to be careful to let her explore her own ideas and fantasies while placing yourself as the safe person she can act them out with. For men (as a woman), it’s a lot easier if you’re just looking for something temporal. With the right amount of coaxing, guys (no offense!) are going go give you what you’re looking for. If you’re a bi woman looking to pick up women, you have to expect to put a little more work into it but the work will be worth it in the end.

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It was pointed out to me that the concept of “Going Cave Man” isn’t a complete bucket of crap. Yes, in theory it works. In practice it doesn’t. HOWEVER, there is a theory that is similar to “Going Cave Man” that is infinitely more successful and applicable to modern times. I like to call this theory “Going 50’s Man”

If we think back to the stereotypical 50’s male, we find ourselves thinking of the tall, dark, handsome type (luckily in pick up, appearance doesn’t mean a lot). The husbands that came home and the wife had their slippers waiting for their feet and a drink ready for their hands. They weren’t cave man aggressive, but they weren’t submissive either. These men knew what they wanted, when they wanted it, and how they wanted it.

These men were also just coming back from World War II, you had to be rough to survive that one. This translated into life at home too. Keep in mind, it’s a more civilized and controlled aggression than cave men. This theory holds up in practice because it’s not as primal, you can add some modern flair to it. If you think about it, “Going Cave Man” is really the 50’s male on steroids. Tone the aggression down and the concepts of primal overdrive will actually work. Instead of throwing a girl into a wall, try pulling her to you gently and with authority. It’s really a Renaissance man theory (multi-facted, not one dimensional).

“Going Cave Man” fails because it is overly aggressive, completely primal, and lacks finesse. “Going 50’s Man” on the other hand, is phenomenally successful because it is aggression combined with gentility, the primal with a modern flair, and is subliminally accessing secret desires instead of breaking into them. I would have no problem putting a personal warranty on this method. If done correctly, it never fails.

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Curious from Connecticut asked me if I could explain “Going Cave Man” and if I would suggest it as a method to close women. Here’s my advice for you.

There is a theory in the pick up community which suggests that women are internally hardwired to respond to primal actions (aggression/sexual overtones etc). The theory also suggests that these primal actions will override any “modern” responses or rejections from the woman and cause her to give in to her basic and bestial urges. (Translation: If you act like a cave man, the woman will respond purely out of lust instead of taking the time to think her actions through like modern humans).

Frankly, this theory is a bunch of sh*t. It fails on a variety of levels. First, if a woman is flat out saying that she isn’t interested, no amount of aggression or attempts to change her mind are going to work. They’ll just make her like you less because you come off as a total creeper. Second, there are basic instincts that are programmed into human beings in general. If you try too hard to tap into that “primal” area of instinctual behavior, you could come off as a threat and trigger the primal “fight or flight” instinct.

Here is another (and possibly the most important) level on which “going cave man” fails – you can often get carried away by it which lands you in a whole world of trouble. I had a guy try to use it on me (see the self defense post) and he couldn’t see when he had gone too far. Basically, he got the police set on him for assault (the aggressive/violent part of the theory). This theory WILL get you in trouble when used in real life. If you want to play with fire and see if I’m serious, go ahead and try for yourself. I really hope you just take my word for it though because it’s not worth the hassle. I would definitely NOT suggest this method to close a girl no matter what the circumstances are. It’s just too dangerous for you and too much trouble for everyone involved.

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Some call PUA a science, others would call it an art. I would first like to tip my hat to a Mr. Travis Dillinger who combines both these aspects. I ran across his blog (which you might want to check out) and realized that the PUA world doesn’t revolve around the Boulder/Denver area where people tend to make more of it than it is. Thank you sir for that.

I guess the first thing you need to know is that the basics of PUA are NOT based on meaningless hook-ups with random girls. Some guys use it for this but it’s really not a healthy or sustainable lifestyle choice. PUA should, in my opinion, be used for self improvement and not for self gratification. And in the end, it can bring things like confidence, a sense of self-worth and purpose to your life (as well as some other things).

Second, (this is where we get to the fun part), as a Game aware woman, I can offer you some very unique insights on pick up, mystery method etc. Feel free to ask me a question and I’ll try my best to answer it (I do know how to pick up guys and girls so don’t be shy).

Third, PUA is about confidence – not necessarily appearance. You can do a whole lot more with an interesting personality than with a model’s face (strange but true). I know a very shy man who interviewed for the Denver Lair who was very enthusiastic about the Game but incredibly shy. As soon as you asked him to open a girl, he came alive. Last time I checked with him, he’s gotten over his debilitating shyness and has really come a long way since October.

I could go on forever because there is SO much to talk about. So shoot me an email, let me know what’s on your mind and then I’ll really buckle down and answer your questions. Check out Mr. Dillinger too, he knows what he’s up to if you don’t feel comfortable asking a girl all your man questions 😛

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Some good dating/approaching tips that can be used whether you are male or female (interested in either gender). Trust me, it’s the simple things that make the biggest difference.

Observe something – This will help you get a conversation started. Otherwise, your opening line is going to come off as fake and unnatural. If you’re at a grocery store for example, ask her if she would recommend the turkey/wine/pasta that she’s getting. Or compliment her on something (her eyes/dress etc.)

Smile – Stay relaxed. A frown is going to make you come off as grumpy or unfriendly. A smile will make everyone a little more comfortable (as long as it’s not a Chestshire cat smile)

Do not hesitate – When you’re walking up and you hesitate, it comes off as nerves. Mind you, nerves are okay but not when you’re approaching someone. You’ll look overly timid.

Positive body language – Keep this in mind for yourself and her (or him). Keep your arms and body relaxed. Keep your arms uncrossed. Crossed arms give a subconscious message of discomfort and a desire to shut the other person out (Not a good thing). Just relax.

Not too fast – If you approach like a cheetah after a gazelle, her (or his) internal alarm mechanism will go off. Go at a normal pace, it will seem natural and not creepy. The last thing you want is to scare them off.

Keep eye contact – This will keep the person engaged and interested in the conversation. Keep your eyes off the floor, no one likes talking to someones head instead of their face. If you’re talking with a woman, this will keep your eyes from wandering and possibly offending her.

Listen up – People love when you pull details from what their saying into your part of the conversation. It will make them feel valued and important (and interested in what you have to say too).

Do not fidget – This is an outlet for your nerves. It will also make you come across as either ADD or uncomfortable. Learn to be aware of your movements and try to keep them in check. You don’t want to be a statue but you also don’t want to be bouncing off the walls.

Lighten your tone of voice – A first meeting is not a good place to get serious. Keep it light and fun. Another grocery store example: If she’s getting some turkey or something, you can engage her with “I hope you plan on saving some for me!” Always playful, fake-serious and fun. Never brooding, overbearing, or serious.

Lean awayThis is especially important if you’re tall. Leaning into someone can often make them feel confined and crowded. This discomfort will cause the person to start shutting you out and labeling you as a threat. Lean away, it also tells her (or him) that you respect their personal space.

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