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Posts Tagged ‘dating’

Some call PUA a science, others would call it an art. I would first like to tip my hat to a Mr. Travis Dillinger who combines both these aspects. I ran across his blog (which you might want to check out) and realized that the PUA world doesn’t revolve around the Boulder/Denver area where people tend to make more of it than it is. Thank you sir for that.

I guess the first thing you need to know is that the basics of PUA are NOT based on meaningless hook-ups with random girls. Some guys use it for this but it’s really not a healthy or sustainable lifestyle choice. PUA should, in my opinion, be used for self improvement and not for self gratification. And in the end, it can bring things like confidence, a sense of self-worth and purpose to your life (as well as some other things).

Second, (this is where we get to the fun part), as a Game aware woman, I can offer you some very unique insights on pick up, mystery method etc. Feel free to ask me a question and I’ll try my best to answer it (I do know how to pick up guys and girls so don’t be shy).

Third, PUA is about confidence – not necessarily appearance. You can do a whole lot more with an interesting personality than with a model’s face (strange but true). I know a very shy man who interviewed for the Denver Lair who was very enthusiastic about the Game but incredibly shy. As soon as you asked him to open a girl, he came alive. Last time I checked with him, he’s gotten over his debilitating shyness and has really come a long way since October.

I could go on forever because there is SO much to talk about. So shoot me an email, let me know what’s on your mind and then I’ll really buckle down and answer your questions. Check out Mr. Dillinger too, he knows what he’s up to if you don’t feel comfortable asking a girl all your man questions 😛

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Some good dating/approaching tips that can be used whether you are male or female (interested in either gender). Trust me, it’s the simple things that make the biggest difference.

Observe something – This will help you get a conversation started. Otherwise, your opening line is going to come off as fake and unnatural. If you’re at a grocery store for example, ask her if she would recommend the turkey/wine/pasta that she’s getting. Or compliment her on something (her eyes/dress etc.)

Smile – Stay relaxed. A frown is going to make you come off as grumpy or unfriendly. A smile will make everyone a little more comfortable (as long as it’s not a Chestshire cat smile)

Do not hesitate – When you’re walking up and you hesitate, it comes off as nerves. Mind you, nerves are okay but not when you’re approaching someone. You’ll look overly timid.

Positive body language – Keep this in mind for yourself and her (or him). Keep your arms and body relaxed. Keep your arms uncrossed. Crossed arms give a subconscious message of discomfort and a desire to shut the other person out (Not a good thing). Just relax.

Not too fast – If you approach like a cheetah after a gazelle, her (or his) internal alarm mechanism will go off. Go at a normal pace, it will seem natural and not creepy. The last thing you want is to scare them off.

Keep eye contact – This will keep the person engaged and interested in the conversation. Keep your eyes off the floor, no one likes talking to someones head instead of their face. If you’re talking with a woman, this will keep your eyes from wandering and possibly offending her.

Listen up – People love when you pull details from what their saying into your part of the conversation. It will make them feel valued and important (and interested in what you have to say too).

Do not fidget – This is an outlet for your nerves. It will also make you come across as either ADD or uncomfortable. Learn to be aware of your movements and try to keep them in check. You don’t want to be a statue but you also don’t want to be bouncing off the walls.

Lighten your tone of voice – A first meeting is not a good place to get serious. Keep it light and fun. Another grocery store example: If she’s getting some turkey or something, you can engage her with “I hope you plan on saving some for me!” Always playful, fake-serious and fun. Never brooding, overbearing, or serious.

Lean awayThis is especially important if you’re tall. Leaning into someone can often make them feel confined and crowded. This discomfort will cause the person to start shutting you out and labeling you as a threat. Lean away, it also tells her (or him) that you respect their personal space.

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Ah, the age old question. What makes people attractive? You can go into the very shallow aspects of attraction or you can look into the deeper mental triggers that everyone has. Not just some people, but every single person will respond to certain “triggers” that you can endow yourself with and use to great success.

As I sit here with my White Russian, I think about some of the shallow aspects of attraction. Everyone has their preconceived notions of what they find attractive or “hot”. For me, it’s long thick hair, deep eyes (regardless of color), a generally good body etc. In the end, I’m willing to throw all of those “requirements” out of the window if confronted with the things that will trigger a deeper attraction. Unless you’re neurologically challenged, confidence and a stellar personality are going to be more attractive than blue eyes and blond hair any day.

Let’s go into some detail about the deeper triggers of attraction. Ask yourself this question (if you don’t understand the reference, just bear with me): Who to you is more attractive, Robert Pattinson or Edward Cullen? For me, it’s Edward Cullen hands down. Want to know why? Okay, well even though they are the exact same physical person, Robert Pattinson refuses (for some odd reason) to be hygienically presentable. He doesn’t wash his hair or dress in a tidy and put together way. His character in the Twilight series, Edward Cullen washes his hair, has clothes that fit well and look good. Here is how this relates to deep triggers of attraction. It doesn’t matter if you’re a supermodel or not, the way you present and carry yourself is what will make the biggest impression. Wear clothes that you feel good in, and you will look good in them. I’m not talking sweatpants and a tshirt, but if you aren’t comfortable with low cut shirts (ladies), then wear something a little less revealing. Just because you are showing less skin doesn’t make it automatically less appealing. Guys, you don’t have to wear tight jeans to make that punk-rock girl find you attractive. If you’re feeling awkward in those skin tight jeans, you’re going to look awkward and interact with her in an awkward way. If you feel confident in what you are wearing, that confidence will shine through you and you know what, confidence IS appealing.

But keep in mind that it isn’t just confidence that makes you attractive. People that are worth having relationships or interactions with aren’t looking for the cookie-cutter, same old same old, mediocre person. Don’t dumb yourself down for the sake of hooking that frat guy or sorority girl. If you think that you have to be stupid to be good enough for them, they aren’t worth it. The people worth spending time with, want someone who is unique and special. Voice your ideas, they ARE worth something even if you think they’re silly. In the end, they make you unique and special. Being the same as everyone else doesn’t make you special, it makes you ordinary and therefore, unattractive. Another “trigger” is your idiosyncratic and distinctive personality. Some people won’t like it but who cares? Those people aren’t good for you in the long run. The people worth your time and love are the people who will love you unconditionally. Take me for example, I was the subject of an FBI investigation into underage pornography. It really messed me up for a long time and I’m still not over it. But it gave me a lot of different qualities that many people don’t have. It made me unique. And even though sometimes I’ll cry myself to sleep over it, my boyfriend still loves me to pieces. Not many people would want to love someone with issues and baggage from their past. But those people who DO LOVE YOU are worth their weight in gold.

Okay, here is the summary: 1. Feeling comfortable and confident will make you comfortable and confident when interacting with someone you are interested in 2. You’re interesting quirks ARE attractive, don’t dumb yourself down to grab that one person. It’s NOT worth it, trust me.

So, go out and explore your new found understanding of attraction. Feel free to message me if you have any questions or specific things/incidents/case studies that you want to talk about. I’m generally pretty open to batting some ideas back and forth with you. Please keep in mind that this isn’t a comprehensive list of deeper attraction triggers, and it will be different for everyone. This is just a general idea.  And remember, it’s all about being yourself. If someone doesn’t like it, screw it, they aren’t good for you anyways.

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