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Style Advice/Tips

So on Thursday I went out with my friend Kyoshi to Flatirons Mall for a little style advice. We were looking at a total fashion overhaul and decided to just look around and get some ideas before purchasing anything. As we were talking and walking around, I realized that there are a lot of things that some guys just don’t know about. Line, color temperature, form, genre, the list goes on. So, I am going to share some tips and guidelines to put in your VFOGI (Vast Fund Of General Information).

Line:

Kyoshi said that he wanted to look taller so we immediately went to the shoes first. He was a big fan of shoes with rounded toes but these will actually make you look shorter. The line from your leg goes down and, instead of going away from you, it gets swung around on the rounded toe. To combat this, we decided to go with a square toe or a slight point. Now, the line from your leg goes down to your shoe, and keeps going. There is no rounded edge to make it swing back around.

There is a difference between this: ____) and this : ____]

The corner on the second one make the line continue straight out since the 90 degree corner is too unnatural of an angle to continue on.

To make yourself look taller, you want a shoe with a square toe. Aldo makes a great looking pair and I believe that Aduro and Cactus have some. They would look something like these:

http://www.aldoshoes.com/us/men/shoe…7168-tinson/97

http://www.aldoshoes.com/us/men/shoe…32-warzybok/32

Line can also make you look taller when applied to shirts. It’s a common known fact among most girls that horizontal lines will make you look wider. Vertical lines will slim you down. This will also apply to shirts for guys. Thicker lines will be better for this because they are a little stronger and draw the eye along that line better than a skinny line would. The BEST way to get lines on a shirt to work for you is if you can get them to slant in at the waist. This will create the illusion of a skinnier middle because the lines draw your eye that way.

Color Temperature:

This came up in the discussion about black on black. As you might all know, not all blacks are the same. Some are “warm” and some are “cool”. This is a little advanced so you might just have to play this one by eye but here goes – In my experience, colors are all based on either whites or yellows (off-whites) (and sometimes blues). The “temperature” of colors depends on their base. White/blue is cool, off-white or yellow is warm. Now you can have cool yellows but that would be because they’re based on whites. This rarely happens so don’t worry too much about it. There are some basic color wheels that I find helpful although they don’t go into the dark realm of these colors. When it comes to blacks, just try to imagine what color they’re based off of. If it’s a dark dark dark red, it would be warm. Dark dark dark blue, and it’s a cool black.

These are some color wheels I found helpful:

http://personales.upv.es/gbenet/teor…or/IMG/cw7.gif

http://capefear-painting.com/images/color_wheel.gif

Form:

This really has to do with the shapes that lines and shadows make. For a slimming effect on legs, jeans can be your best friend or your worst enemy. Jeans that are darker on the inside and outside of your legs with a lighter front and back will slim your figure. It creates the illusion of shadow between your legs, which means that they are skinny. You don’t want an extreme difference in tone because it’ll look super tacky (in my opinion. If you can work it, go for it).

It can also work for glasses. For the most part, square or rectangular lenses are going to do wonders for your face. It will enhance the lines and therefore, the forms on your face. Example: Kyoshi has been wearing rounded lenses for however long so we decided to experiment with some square ones. WOW. He looked totally different in A GOOD WAY. All of a sudden, he was edgier, more mysterious, and his facial structure looked fantastic!

This article says it all:

http://www.eyebuydirect.com/extra_ch…ight_frame.php

Genre:

When looking for a “look”, you have to keep the look in mind when shopping for clothes. A pin up girl is probably not going to rock some futuristic, Lady Gaga fashion. She’s gonna go for the vintage, pin-up stuff. An easy way to tell if the style your trying out fits your “look”, is to look at the advertisements you see it in. If they don’t match your style in the ads, chances are they won’t match in real life either.

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SO, I had someone ask me if I was able to pull guys and girls and what the difference was.

Yes, I can pick up guys and girls. The differences are few but they make a large impact. For example, if you’re a girl, it’s easy to build a rapport and trust with another girl. It’s incredibly easy to get her number because society has programmed women into thinking that they are safe with each other and that it is natural for them to be friends. It’s a safety in numbers mentality (no pun intended). But it’s hard to take it past that. Some of it is in my head (damn that Christian upbringing) but some of it is also that women normally don’t get hit on by other women. I know that the first time I was hit on by a girl, I was totally shocked, had no idea what she was thinking, and didn’t really want anything to do with her (this was obviously before I became bi).

As a girl trying to pick up guys, it’s a totally different calibration. Society has told us that guys like girls and there aren’t other variables (for the most part). This programming has made it easy to reel guys in, and take it as far as I want (most of the time it’s practice since I have a boyfriend already). For girls, you need to be a little more careful. Most women harbor the fantasy of being with another woman so you just have to very gently bring that fantasy out. But you need to do it without pressure, without expectations or you could trigger a flight/negative response.

Now can you see how picking up woman when you’re one yourself can be difficult?

So to summarize – Picking up woman is different but similar to picking up men. It’s all about calibrating for who your “target” is. For woman, you need to be careful to let her explore her own ideas and fantasies while placing yourself as the safe person she can act them out with. For men (as a woman), it’s a lot easier if you’re just looking for something temporal. With the right amount of coaxing, guys (no offense!) are going go give you what you’re looking for. If you’re a bi woman looking to pick up women, you have to expect to put a little more work into it but the work will be worth it in the end.

Cave Man Follow-up

It was pointed out to me that the concept of “Going Cave Man” isn’t a complete bucket of crap. Yes, in theory it works. In practice it doesn’t. HOWEVER, there is a theory that is similar to “Going Cave Man” that is infinitely more successful and applicable to modern times. I like to call this theory “Going 50’s Man”

If we think back to the stereotypical 50’s male, we find ourselves thinking of the tall, dark, handsome type (luckily in pick up, appearance doesn’t mean a lot). The husbands that came home and the wife had their slippers waiting for their feet and a drink ready for their hands. They weren’t cave man aggressive, but they weren’t submissive either. These men knew what they wanted, when they wanted it, and how they wanted it.

These men were also just coming back from World War II, you had to be rough to survive that one. This translated into life at home too. Keep in mind, it’s a more civilized and controlled aggression than cave men. This theory holds up in practice because it’s not as primal, you can add some modern flair to it. If you think about it, “Going Cave Man” is really the 50’s male on steroids. Tone the aggression down and the concepts of primal overdrive will actually work. Instead of throwing a girl into a wall, try pulling her to you gently and with authority. It’s really a Renaissance man theory (multi-facted, not one dimensional).

“Going Cave Man” fails because it is overly aggressive, completely primal, and lacks finesse. “Going 50’s Man” on the other hand, is phenomenally successful because it is aggression combined with gentility, the primal with a modern flair, and is subliminally accessing secret desires instead of breaking into them. I would have no problem putting a personal warranty on this method. If done correctly, it never fails.

Going Cave Man

Curious from Connecticut asked me if I could explain “Going Cave Man” and if I would suggest it as a method to close women. Here’s my advice for you.

There is a theory in the pick up community which suggests that women are internally hardwired to respond to primal actions (aggression/sexual overtones etc). The theory also suggests that these primal actions will override any “modern” responses or rejections from the woman and cause her to give in to her basic and bestial urges. (Translation: If you act like a cave man, the woman will respond purely out of lust instead of taking the time to think her actions through like modern humans).

Frankly, this theory is a bunch of sh*t. It fails on a variety of levels. First, if a woman is flat out saying that she isn’t interested, no amount of aggression or attempts to change her mind are going to work. They’ll just make her like you less because you come off as a total creeper. Second, there are basic instincts that are programmed into human beings in general. If you try too hard to tap into that “primal” area of instinctual behavior, you could come off as a threat and trigger the primal “fight or flight” instinct.

Here is another (and possibly the most important) level on which “going cave man” fails – you can often get carried away by it which lands you in a whole world of trouble. I had a guy try to use it on me (see the self defense post) and he couldn’t see when he had gone too far. Basically, he got the police set on him for assault (the aggressive/violent part of the theory). This theory WILL get you in trouble when used in real life. If you want to play with fire and see if I’m serious, go ahead and try for yourself. I really hope you just take my word for it though because it’s not worth the hassle. I would definitely NOT suggest this method to close a girl no matter what the circumstances are. It’s just too dangerous for you and too much trouble for everyone involved.

PUA Basics

Some call PUA a science, others would call it an art. I would first like to tip my hat to a Mr. Travis Dillinger who combines both these aspects. I ran across his blog (which you might want to check out) and realized that the PUA world doesn’t revolve around the Boulder/Denver area where people tend to make more of it than it is. Thank you sir for that.

I guess the first thing you need to know is that the basics of PUA are NOT based on meaningless hook-ups with random girls. Some guys use it for this but it’s really not a healthy or sustainable lifestyle choice. PUA should, in my opinion, be used for self improvement and not for self gratification. And in the end, it can bring things like confidence, a sense of self-worth and purpose to your life (as well as some other things).

Second, (this is where we get to the fun part), as a Game aware woman, I can offer you some very unique insights on pick up, mystery method etc. Feel free to ask me a question and I’ll try my best to answer it (I do know how to pick up guys and girls so don’t be shy).

Third, PUA is about confidence – not necessarily appearance. You can do a whole lot more with an interesting personality than with a model’s face (strange but true). I know a very shy man who interviewed for the Denver Lair who was very enthusiastic about the Game but incredibly shy. As soon as you asked him to open a girl, he came alive. Last time I checked with him, he’s gotten over his debilitating shyness and has really come a long way since October.

I could go on forever because there is SO much to talk about. So shoot me an email, let me know what’s on your mind and then I’ll really buckle down and answer your questions. Check out Mr. Dillinger too, he knows what he’s up to if you don’t feel comfortable asking a girl all your man questions 😛

Flirting/Approaching Tips

Some good dating/approaching tips that can be used whether you are male or female (interested in either gender). Trust me, it’s the simple things that make the biggest difference.

Observe something – This will help you get a conversation started. Otherwise, your opening line is going to come off as fake and unnatural. If you’re at a grocery store for example, ask her if she would recommend the turkey/wine/pasta that she’s getting. Or compliment her on something (her eyes/dress etc.)

Smile – Stay relaxed. A frown is going to make you come off as grumpy or unfriendly. A smile will make everyone a little more comfortable (as long as it’s not a Chestshire cat smile)

Do not hesitate – When you’re walking up and you hesitate, it comes off as nerves. Mind you, nerves are okay but not when you’re approaching someone. You’ll look overly timid.

Positive body language – Keep this in mind for yourself and her (or him). Keep your arms and body relaxed. Keep your arms uncrossed. Crossed arms give a subconscious message of discomfort and a desire to shut the other person out (Not a good thing). Just relax.

Not too fast – If you approach like a cheetah after a gazelle, her (or his) internal alarm mechanism will go off. Go at a normal pace, it will seem natural and not creepy. The last thing you want is to scare them off.

Keep eye contact – This will keep the person engaged and interested in the conversation. Keep your eyes off the floor, no one likes talking to someones head instead of their face. If you’re talking with a woman, this will keep your eyes from wandering and possibly offending her.

Listen up – People love when you pull details from what their saying into your part of the conversation. It will make them feel valued and important (and interested in what you have to say too).

Do not fidget – This is an outlet for your nerves. It will also make you come across as either ADD or uncomfortable. Learn to be aware of your movements and try to keep them in check. You don’t want to be a statue but you also don’t want to be bouncing off the walls.

Lighten your tone of voice – A first meeting is not a good place to get serious. Keep it light and fun. Another grocery store example: If she’s getting some turkey or something, you can engage her with “I hope you plan on saving some for me!” Always playful, fake-serious and fun. Never brooding, overbearing, or serious.

Lean awayThis is especially important if you’re tall. Leaning into someone can often make them feel confined and crowded. This discomfort will cause the person to start shutting you out and labeling you as a threat. Lean away, it also tells her (or him) that you respect their personal space.

Ah, the age old question. What makes people attractive? You can go into the very shallow aspects of attraction or you can look into the deeper mental triggers that everyone has. Not just some people, but every single person will respond to certain “triggers” that you can endow yourself with and use to great success.

As I sit here with my White Russian, I think about some of the shallow aspects of attraction. Everyone has their preconceived notions of what they find attractive or “hot”. For me, it’s long thick hair, deep eyes (regardless of color), a generally good body etc. In the end, I’m willing to throw all of those “requirements” out of the window if confronted with the things that will trigger a deeper attraction. Unless you’re neurologically challenged, confidence and a stellar personality are going to be more attractive than blue eyes and blond hair any day.

Let’s go into some detail about the deeper triggers of attraction. Ask yourself this question (if you don’t understand the reference, just bear with me): Who to you is more attractive, Robert Pattinson or Edward Cullen? For me, it’s Edward Cullen hands down. Want to know why? Okay, well even though they are the exact same physical person, Robert Pattinson refuses (for some odd reason) to be hygienically presentable. He doesn’t wash his hair or dress in a tidy and put together way. His character in the Twilight series, Edward Cullen washes his hair, has clothes that fit well and look good. Here is how this relates to deep triggers of attraction. It doesn’t matter if you’re a supermodel or not, the way you present and carry yourself is what will make the biggest impression. Wear clothes that you feel good in, and you will look good in them. I’m not talking sweatpants and a tshirt, but if you aren’t comfortable with low cut shirts (ladies), then wear something a little less revealing. Just because you are showing less skin doesn’t make it automatically less appealing. Guys, you don’t have to wear tight jeans to make that punk-rock girl find you attractive. If you’re feeling awkward in those skin tight jeans, you’re going to look awkward and interact with her in an awkward way. If you feel confident in what you are wearing, that confidence will shine through you and you know what, confidence IS appealing.

But keep in mind that it isn’t just confidence that makes you attractive. People that are worth having relationships or interactions with aren’t looking for the cookie-cutter, same old same old, mediocre person. Don’t dumb yourself down for the sake of hooking that frat guy or sorority girl. If you think that you have to be stupid to be good enough for them, they aren’t worth it. The people worth spending time with, want someone who is unique and special. Voice your ideas, they ARE worth something even if you think they’re silly. In the end, they make you unique and special. Being the same as everyone else doesn’t make you special, it makes you ordinary and therefore, unattractive. Another “trigger” is your idiosyncratic and distinctive personality. Some people won’t like it but who cares? Those people aren’t good for you in the long run. The people worth your time and love are the people who will love you unconditionally. Take me for example, I was the subject of an FBI investigation into underage pornography. It really messed me up for a long time and I’m still not over it. But it gave me a lot of different qualities that many people don’t have. It made me unique. And even though sometimes I’ll cry myself to sleep over it, my boyfriend still loves me to pieces. Not many people would want to love someone with issues and baggage from their past. But those people who DO LOVE YOU are worth their weight in gold.

Okay, here is the summary: 1. Feeling comfortable and confident will make you comfortable and confident when interacting with someone you are interested in 2. You’re interesting quirks ARE attractive, don’t dumb yourself down to grab that one person. It’s NOT worth it, trust me.

So, go out and explore your new found understanding of attraction. Feel free to message me if you have any questions or specific things/incidents/case studies that you want to talk about. I’m generally pretty open to batting some ideas back and forth with you. Please keep in mind that this isn’t a comprehensive list of deeper attraction triggers, and it will be different for everyone. This is just a general idea.  And remember, it’s all about being yourself. If someone doesn’t like it, screw it, they aren’t good for you anyways.